5 things

I've been listening to someone complaining about their gf and the habitual/behavioural disparity caught my attention. How innocuous behaviour are often grossly misconstrued, it made me want to pull my hair out. I'm not sure why I'm getting people asking me for relationship advice since I  fucking suck at it, guess people want advice to fuck up their life. I should be a Rabbi.

So here's 5 things guys, other girls, animals, parents, siblings, grand parents, teachers, friends, pikachu on steroids should know about girls (which may not apply to all chicks).

  1. If you want something, you need to tell us, and we'll get back to you with well thought out twinkies. We're not mind readers, and we over analyse. Your axon potential will not channel  telepathic messages.
  2. We pay for our own shit and buy our own junk. Girls are not accessories. If your chick is burning a hole in your pink porcelain pig.... you landed yourself a gold digger. Well done.
  3. People have been telling me that girls move on faster and easier than guys. That's bullshit. We just have a great source of network where we can whine our problems out so we can focus on other aspects of life... and don't have to become heroin addicts or 20 fuck whores per week, contract various forms of STIs and cry ourselves to sleep.
  4. Another friend told me he's been trying to pick up chicks at clubs all the time but hasn't been successful. That's probably because you've been glorifying your job/life/life-achievements/impressive bullshit that us chicks honestly don't give a fuck about. I always hear the same repetitive lines, "I own my own business, I make good money" "I just bought my new car, it was 70k" "Oh you like that necklace? I'll buy it for you" "I'm gonna start this project and if blablabla I'll be a millionaire" "I'm a lawyer" "I'm a doctor" "I fuck dogs". Good for you. Keep your game at home.
  5. You can't tell your girlfriend to stop wearing skimpy outfits to church in broad day light. She's a crack whore. You can't tell a crack whore not to be a crack whore.  
To broaden your horizon kiddos... Go listen to Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson.

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